Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
