Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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