there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
