So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
