I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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