I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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