i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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