I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
