Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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