apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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