I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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