Jerry, you need to find god
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
