i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
