Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
