I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I will be naked everywhere
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
