false alarm. still invincible.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
