oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
His nipple licking is glorious
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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