my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
