you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
being pregnant is like rehab
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
