What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize