Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
