She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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