you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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