Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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