I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
