there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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