WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
