I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
