you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize