Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
