I am puke
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Can I color on your dick again?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
