someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
50% drunk capacity currently
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
