so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
