Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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