apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
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"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
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WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Boobs are out for the taking
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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