I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
