she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Randomize
