Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
