she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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