every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just found a bag of teeth...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
