i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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