I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
