barbara walters just said penis...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
