You made me cry and you don't even care
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
