Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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