just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
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