Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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