she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
