Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
In America we eat man semen.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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