Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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