OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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