Got a toothbrush?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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