no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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