K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
