somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
he had hair everywhere except his balls
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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