if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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