you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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