I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
