How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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