Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
