i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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