he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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