he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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